So, all I can say is Radiation is different and the theme for this segment seems to be " I don't know". The first full week was kind of a bumpy ride on all fronts. I'm hoping it will smooth out starting next week!
Just as a reminder, radiation therapy is every day, Mon-Fri, for 20-30 min. People keep asking me and they keep getting surprised by the answer. Anyway it is every day and I started last Thurs 1/14. The first 2 sessions went pretty well. I walked the 2 miles to my session, primed with Ativan so I would "breathe normally" and followed directions and everything went according to plan. I had to lie down for a nap each day but no big deal. I had a nice weekend and walked the Dish both days and felt pretty good about things.
I won't go into details, but this week the naps got longer and more unpredictable, the joints ached, I ran a fever, I vascillated between insomnia and spending the day in bed and my rad machine went on the fritz Thurs so I missed a treatment. My rad onc said I probably had a touch of flu; my breast cancer support group buddies said they also had a rough time during the first week and theorized that it takes the body time to get used to this new form of assault. I'm hoping that no matter who is right, next week goes more smoothly and that I will at least be able to walk to and from treatment!
For some reason, the radiation portion of my treatment is messing with my head more. I think part of the fear comes from the fact that the treatment is invisible, controlled by computers and machines and that the setups are so complicated. One small cough at the wrong time, or a simple error in positioning or a small glitch could result in accidentally radiating the heart or lung and we wouldn't know. During my most recent treatment, the machine inexplicably stopped in the middle of radiating me. Nothing bad happened and we simply resumed the sequence but it reminded me that things don't always go according to plan. While I was writing this I got distracted by an article in today's NYT, another reminder of the complexity of radiation therapy : http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/24/health/24radiation.html?pagewanted=1&hp
And now for the good news :) Radiation therapy is very effective at preventing local recurrence in breast cancer and I'm all for that! So, I will just have to trust my rad onc team, show up for each treatment, follow directions, lie still and breath normally!
I will nap when I need to and have fun when I am able. I will accept that I don't know how I'm going to feel from day to day or moment to moment. Friends, please forgive me if I don't answer the phone or email or if I can't make plans because I don't know how I will feel or if I bail on a plan that I made. Until the end of February, I'll be in the land of "I don't know".
As always, thanks to all of you for your support in all the ways that you show it!
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1 comment:
Thanks so much for keeping us updated on what's going on. And you have the right attitude about sleeping, playing, etc. We're here for you. J&J
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